I have no idea how to start this post other than saying that so much has changed in my life in the past eight months. There have been changes in relationships, changes in career, and changes in myself.
To say that I have been a little overwhelmed is an understatement. I have been on such a huge emotional roller coaster and it feels like it is never ending! However, thinking about it now, life is one big roller coaster, testing one’s high points and really low points, challenging how you deal with so many different situations. I guess I just had a lot of my challenges thrown at me within a span of 8 months and man let me tell you that it has been exhausting!
I want to open up about my experiences because I know that many people may be going through similar things at the moment or maybe some have been through it and can share some of the things that helped them deal with it all. Honestly, I personally did not know anyone that had been through something like this so I turned to the internet and found blogs full of advice on how to overcome certain situations. This is why I would like to share my experience.
Let’s rewind back to a year ago. I’m just going to put it in simple terms – I was not happy. There you have it; plain and simple. I had not been happy for a very long time but I did not want to admit it to myself so I would try and snap myself out of it and tell myself that there was no reason to be unhappy, that I had everything I had always wanted – a happy family, I was engaged, I had a job that I absolutely loved, and good friends. However, when something in your life is just not quite right and is making you unhappy, all other aspects of your life just become a little bland also. I became really good at hiding how I was really feeling and people therefore thought that I was one of the happiest people. I don’t think I have to go into every specific detail of what had happened but what I am going to say is that if you are in an unhealthy relationship get out of it sooner rather than later. Take it from someone that has been there done that. If you stay in the relationship just because you are scared of hurting the other person, so you continue holding on to something that in reality is not there anymore, you are doing more harm to yourself than good. I am the type of person that puts everyone else’s feelings before my own, and in a way that is a good trait to have, however you are important also so sometimes it is a good thing to be selfish and put yourself first.
Being in a relationship can be a beautiful thing. I loved being in a relationship about two years ago. I always had someone by my side through the good and bad times, I had so much fun experiencing new things with the person I loved. Just because things are so good at one point in your life does not mean that things do not change, because they do! Things in life are forever changing! I never in a million years thought that I would be where I am today. I honestly saw my future in a different light back then. People change which in turn changes how a relationship is. In my case we had both changed. I changed because I started noticing things that I came to realise I did not want in my future, things that made me upset and things that I knew would really hurt me emotionally in the end. I had doubt in my mind for a long time, but like I said I chose not to listen to my heart because I saw my future in a certain way and things were in place for me to reach the goals I had set for myself so therefore I wasn’t going to change anything. If you are feeling this way, please listen to your heart and go with your gut because we feel things for a reason, it’s our body’s way of telling us that something is not right and that there is something better waiting for you.
As I said I was engaged and I was saving for my wedding, a house and a honeymoon. I am going to be very honest, I already had warning bells ringing in my head because I always thought that all this planning was supposed to be super exciting because it was something that I have always wanted to happen. I did not find it exciting at all. I found it extremely stressful and found myself falling back into my depressive states and if any of you have been through depression you know that it is one of the worst feelings. I was not supposed to be feeling this way while planning my own wedding!! But I just kept pushing on and lying to myself and my partner that I was fine, although we were arguing all the time. The relationship was just extremely unhealthy for the both of us.
In September of 2015 I went to Spain with my parents and sister to visit family for a month. I originally was not going to go, I was going to stay home with my partner for a month to try and make it work between us because I thought that a month alone would help us get back on track. I cannot thank my father enough for forcing me to go on the trip with them because a month away from everything can really help clear your mind and be true to yourself. When you do not miss someone that you are supposed to be in love with when you are away from them for a month then that definitely means that things have changed and you need to change things in order to be happy again. Life is too short to be unhappy and the amazing thing is you get to control your own life, so why not take advantage of that?
When I arrived back home I had made my decision and although it was a very hard decision to make, I knew in my heart that it was the right decision for the both of us. I was super hesitant for a long time to even think about ending the relationship because I was so worried about what everyone would think of me. But really no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, no one else is in the relationship but you and your partner and only you two know exactly what happens.
I’m not going to say that I was instantly happy, that I did not cry because that is FAR from the truth. I cried so much! I went through so many different emotions. I experienced sadness, anger, happiness, confusion, and so much more in such a small amount of time which was extremely overwhelming. When I officially ended things I was very sad. However within the weeks following the break-up I started to find out things that made me 110% positive that I had done the right thing. Many of the things that I was telling myself could not be true throughout the time that I was unhappy I found out were actually true. This is why I’m begging you to go with your gut instinct!
At first I felt like I had wasted years of my life in a relationship that was not working out, but I have come to the realisation that this is not a healthy way of thinking. I have always been a believer in “things happen for a reason”, but let me tell you that I am now one of the BIGGEST believers of this.
In my next post I will speak about where I am at now and how much my life has changed from October 2015 to now 🙂
I’m also thinking of doing a Q&A for anyone that has any questions about my situation or any further advice on things that you may be seeking help for. I am always very happy and willing to answer any questions you may have for me and I will try and help as much as I possibly can 🙂
“The secret of change is to
focus all of your energy,
not on fighting the old,
but on building the new”